I am Zeus the Cat – and I am Write – and not to get in your face too much, but while fatso is sleeping in this morning, I’m taking over his website to bring you and your fellow monkeys a look at stoopid your world is from the cat’s eye perspective.
Before we get started though, what’s hiz name’s deck that got built this week is pretty cool… only a couple of things wrong with it. The position is great for hunting. Sits about 20 feet from one of the bird baths and not 40 feet from the first of the bird feeders. What I’m not happy with is the height as it’s about six feet high at the birding end. Still, easier to hide there than just sitting out in the open, although the hunting looked better up by the garden where the wild rabbits come out about this time of day.
Fatso’s gotten me over to Hill’s Science Diet saying it was for my health because I’d put on a few pounds. Not that it’s any of hiz business…13 pounds isn’t excessive body weight for a lean mean hunting machine like me, especially when I have to chase raccoons and other mid-sized preds off the property. Besides, look who’s talking!
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Look, I know you don’t care about a cat’s life on a ranch out in the boonies of East Texas, but have you ever considered how dumb humans look to any other part of the animal kingdom? Seriously dude…get a clue!
Take for example the flyover of NYC by AF1. Now that is dumb. Or, as we cat’s text it MTF? (The ‘m’ stands for meow).
Meowing of texting, you saw where a Boston trolley crashed…supposedly because the conductor was texting his bi…I mean girlfriend? MTF is with that…
And that get’s me to the whole point that I’ve been meowsillating on since my last column a while back: Are humans trainable? I mean it! Check it out:
“Obama urges credit card reform” is kicking around as a story, right? Yet here’s the tip in the “How they voted on predatory lending” report which I had to claw out of the Mankato Free Press up in Mousesota to find out that Texas 5th District Congressman Jeb Hensarling, who represents bipeds around here - voted in against credit card reform. Here’s the quote:
Jeb Hensarling, R-Texas, said the bill would “ensure that consumers lose their choices. It will make interest more expensive. It will protect…people out of their homes and effectively take away the American dream….We shouldn’t force people who are struggling to pay their own mortgages to pay their neighbors’ as well.”
You want to explain to me how that works? OK: Credit card companies have been cutting the fat hog since they skated on usury laws back in the 1960′s. Here’s the cat’s eye view: don’t send boyz to Washington when you should be sending men who can figure out that the reason there are so many credit card deals showing up in the mail (Hensarling’s idea of ‘choice’) is that there’s so damn much money to be made skinning humans of their hard earned cash.
You dumb humans oughta really rethink this whole concept of ‘money’ that you have going – it’s twisted all your thinking. When I want a favor down the road from Puscilla the other cat – what do I, the Mighty Zeus do? Nothing! She kills, we share. I kill, we share. It’s all about sharing humans – come on, wake up!
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The problem with money is what? Causes you people to do stupid – if not downright dis-moral things (dis-moral is a word in Catlish…you can add it to English if you like).
Here’s how the world is used. Check the headline: “Under restructuring, GM to build more cars overseas“. Got that? You taxpaying bipeds fork over more dough and then GM flees to India, China, or wherever else they can move product. Close down Detroit and will the last person out of Motown turn off the lights! That is what we cats would call dis-moral.
But’cha know why that word isn’t used in English? Because it presents a harsh reality view of Life that humans have group-think hypnotized themselves out of.
Can we have a little heart-to-heart? Oh sure, I nip up a lot…but the nice thing about ‘nipping (that’s catnip, ape) is that it’s an all natural deal. You taller Neanders take all kindza variants of fluoride molecules, box ‘em up and pass ‘em around so that half of frigging America is on some kinda pill. And what do you watch on TV? “Tell your doctor…” Vicious circle. You need an intervention…and that’s what fatso figures long wave economic depressions are all about: Bunch’a people get hypnotized this way or that…and then when the game falls apart, everyone sobers up, relearns sharing as a concept…and next thing you know you’ve got a functional society again.
Well, the cat’s calling you out. Stupid apes.
Speaking of which – you saw where the Governator in California is thinking about legalizing ape ‘nip? “Arnold Schwarzenegger: it’s high time to review marijuana law.“ My human Tubso has it right, though: Ain’t gonna happen. Just too damn much money being made by the booze lobby and the cartels to really do anything more than talk.
As luck would have it, though, one of the other outcomes of the Depression (wait till late next year on this), some ape group-think (either a legislature or the federales, are going to figure out next year that the War on Drugs is an ‘industry’ that we won’t be able to afford as the budgets of government worldwide implode over these next couple of years.
What kind of hypnosis are you people in? It’s like saying that “God made a mistake by leaving peyote and this particular kind of hemp laying around Hiz planet” when you think about it. Well, have fun. I know – keeps a lot of lawyers working, prison guards employed, borders open (so I know someone’s skating on pee tests) and all the rest. Just don’t ad catnip to the list of “God’s mistakes” or you’ll be up to your ass in mice and rats faster than you can say “Hello kitty.”
Doesn’t anyone but cats (and a few dogs, like Sammy next door) get it? I was showing Sammy how to jog, just the other day, and just as he was gonna try to nip (definition #2) at me, I pulled a tree-climb on him. MOL…I yelled down “Sammy, you old dog…see? Planet came just purrrfect from the factory. No mistakes and plenty of trees for me, MOL…”
Now go on – tell me the part again about how cats & dogs are ‘less’ than apes? Hahaha. No, we don’t live in the past…so we don’t waste time on ex’s, the relationships that didn’t work…none of that. What’s more…we don’t waste our time plotting and scheming about five-year and ten-year strategic plans, or what to wear to some party next month. Nope. We just live in the eternal now and that’s it.
When you humans read news stories about things like “More than 30K ordered to flee Santa Barbara fire” that gets you back into the present. But then you turn around and read something like the “WHO: Up to 2-billion people might get swine flu” and you’re off future-tripping again. Here ape, here ape…stay in the present with me…
You know that’s why humans keep pets, right? Emotional crutches, MOL. After our run the other day, Sammy was chewing a rawhide toy and I was nipping up, and Sammy said something really profound: “I think the humans I know are really only present in the Now about 30% of the time.” Sammy’s the dog-world answer to pure genius. I’ve taken to calling him Dogstein.
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Sammy’s had his rabies shot… I’ve had distemper shots and all that (we don’t like vaccines any more than you do, but you give us no choice…not hardly fair is it?) so we have been watching this flu thing. Here’s the update to tubby’s flu table for the day:
|
Date |
Est. Mortality* |
Cases Total |
% Case Change |
|
May 9 |
1.48% |
3440 |
+45.1% |
|
May 8 |
2.21% |
2,371 |
12.9% |
|
May 7 |
2.51% |
2,099 |
+38.5% |
|
May 6 |
2.45% |
1516 |
+ 34.8% |
|
May 5 |
2.97% |
1124 |
+ 14.1% |
|
May 4 |
3.19% |
985 |
+60.1% |
|
May 2 |
2.974% |
615 |
+85.8% |
|
May 1 |
3.77% |
331 |
|
Totals deaths: 48
________divided by______
Total Cases: 3440
Less 0 dead countries: – 195
subtotal: 3245
Mortality Rate: 1.48%
A number of people have written to what’s hiz name – fatso – and have questioned his way of figuring ‘mortality rates’. The truth of the matter, the whole idea was mine. He was having coffee with me earlier this week and I gave him two ways to look at the flu mortality rate.
The first thing I pointed out was that we could back out countries which have experienced no deaths early on in the spread of the disease, because people don’t die the same day they get sick, at least so far as we know. What’s hiz then said if the peak of mortality comes 2-3 days afters the onset of symptoms, why don’t we use the case number from 2-days ago?
“No, won’t work, apeman,” I told him. “Reason being that we don’t know how long the lag time is between confirmation of the flu. besides, the mortality count will be drifting around for a while so in the meantime, the number of ‘fluless’ countries will continue to decline as more and more cases are discovered, so we will eventually get back to a ‘pure’ cases versus death count as the disease spreads.”
And that should be pretty quick: Remember, last Saturday we only had 615 cases of flu and here a week later we have 3,440, so over the week, the number of cases is up more than five and a half times. 5.593495935 to be exact.
I’ve left a note for fatso that a worst case could look something like this over the next 8 weeks:
| Week | Cases |
| 1 | 19,242 |
| 2 | 107,628 |
| 3 | 602,017 |
| 4 | 3,367,377 |
| 5 | 18,835,410 |
| 6 | 105,355,789 |
| 7 | 589,307,177 |
| 8 | 3,296,287,298 |
OK, what does this mean? By sometime in the week after the Fourth of July weekend, everyone in the world would have been exposed….
But, of course, it won’t work out that way…because the flu normally takes a summer break. So that’s maybe why we don’t get to these kinds of numbers until September or October.
Now here’s a little bit of yarn for you to play with: What IF this is a kind of binary flu? In other words, I wonder if this is one of those things where the flu could set you up for exposure to something else which would be fatal? See? There you go…leaving now…
Say, speaking of which this is the first time in a long while that I’ve had access to my email – since what’s hiz screwed up Outlook this week.
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WOW! Just opened my gmail…and look at some of these young hotties that are after hiz Zeusness! Here’s a typical response from my personal ad in the Rat Reporter…which I also ran in the Mouser’s Monthly:
“Hello Zeus,
Your ad in Rat Response captured my attention. Sort of. Of course, I’ve never done anything like this before but you seem to be just what I am looking for. Not that I want to give you the impression that I am looking. Usually, suitors come to me but, on rare occasions, my curiosity is piqued by a specimen such as yourself.
I am petite, with a silky, thick black coat and I share the same traits as she for whom I am named, Athena, Goddess of Wisdom and Goddess of War. Due to my uniqueness of being the runt of the litter, the humanoid living in my house occasionally calls me trite names such as “sweetie petitey,” “cootie patootie” or “runt, runt, runt grrrl (imagine Scooby saying it – God, I hate it!) which I tolerate due to the unfortunate condition in which the poor soul was born with all its social conditioning and veils of confusion. As you can see from my photo, I have quite the attitude so any potential suitor must be strong yet understand he’ll be expected to yield to my demands. My face is not exposed in this photo because I prefer to maintain an air of mystery but, I assure you the face is just as enticing as the rest of me.
At any rate, give me a call if you are interested. Not that I’ll be waiting around for the call but I’ll pick up if I happen to be around when you do call.
Ciao,
Athena”
Hmmm….not bad…but she didn’t mention whether she’s had kits…I don’t do pussys with kits. She also didn’t mention here age…remember, I don’t date any felines under age 2. Well, except there was this one time…let’s not go there.
Say, one more?
“Here you go Zeus!! This is the picture of me that I promised I would send…
Kindest Regards,
Angel the Cat
Sounds promising, too…but wait a minute…here’s a follow-up email from Angel…
“Zeussy, Being a fertile feline, I am guessing that Elaine has lopped off your balls….
I am so sorry………………
Probably. you are just a shy carnivore.
The oldbipedalalphafeederwarmloveranimationsackoshit may have damaged your mind…………….
Just a little interest would go as long way…………………………..Zeus.
Love, Angel”
Oh, it isn’t too bad…they’re still there, just had the feline version of a vasectomy is all…like I said, not much interested in having kits.
Well, have to answer a bunch of personals….like the one that signed “Yours in chicken…” Ummmmm good one there. And the two Dachshunds? Get lost! I don’t do dogs.. Well, except there was this one time…let’s not go there.
That’s all for now…gonna go freshen up my personal ad copy – new Rat Reporter comes out Thursday and I want to make sure I bold my email address: zeusishot@gmail.com. The serious-minded biped who normally writes this stuff should be back on Monday morning….gotta jet…I hear him coming…Bye!
By hiz mark,
Z eus
the Cat
Peoplenomics
The Case for Client-Server Government
Before we launch into the two main items of this week’s report, namely the concept of installing a client-server architecture on the federal government and a deeper analysis of bank failures that makes the case we’re really much closer to a ‘clean replay’ of the 1930′s Depression than MainStream Media (MSM) let’s on, I’d like to begin with a huge “Thank you!” to the subscribers who keep the IndependenceJournal.com, UrbanSurvival.com, and Peoplenomics.com web sites going via their subscriptions. With this weekend’s report, Peoplenomics is now 400 issues along…so if you count back 400 weeks that’s when our first edition hit – October 19, 2001. The focus of that first issue, written just a few short weeks after 9/11? Two items that are very much current today: The first real discussion of my “systems perspective of life” and “Clash of Civilizations? Cyclical Aspects of Major Religions at 1,000 and 1,500 years…” Back in 2001 when Peoplenomics got started, I wanted to write something that would be a useful ‘look-ahead’ source news and financial analysis. Thanks to the predictive linguistics work of Cliff at HalfPastHuman.com and more than 13-years of major market journalism by moi, I think Peoplenomics has hit the mark more often than not and we’ve been far enough ahead of the MainStreamMedia as to make it almost humorous. So it’s with some considerable pleasure I’ll begin this week’s report with a discussion of how the current flu scare makes an even stronger the case for modeling our physical government after client-server architecture topologies in computing….
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“Live on $10,000″ Updated
What? You haven’t ordered the ebook “How to Live on $10,000 a year — or less”? Suit yourself. We’re all going to live it shortly, anyway. I just thought you might like a heads up by reading about how to do it before you get pink-slipped. But, suit yourself OR visit www.liveontenthousand.com or, click one of the following button:
Yep – still possible. I also took a bit of additional material that was pertinent from recent issues of Peoplenomics and included them. The whole thing runs about 65 pages, but it gives you a vision of how to not only live on the aforementioned dollar amount, but also how to migrate up the economic foodchain if you make a little more than that and do some active savings… Click here for the page with more details on it.
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